Things You Shouldn’t Say To Black People When You First Meet

Meeting new people every couple of years is part of my life as a military spouse, and I do love it. I meet some great people, some interesting people and some that leave me scratching my head. So since I’m tackling the race conversation on MY platform, I want to share a few things that really leaves me baffled and in my opinion should be rethought when it comes to that initial introduction. Let’s just call it…THINGS YOU SHOULDN’T SAY TO BLACK PEOPLE during the initial introduction.

Things You Shouldn’t Say To Black People When You First Meet

1. I HAD a black friend growing up — hmmmmm…..so, you no longer have this black friend? Or you don’t have other black friends. Maybe it’s you wanting me to give you a cookie? Like, I don’t know what to say or do with this information.
2. I DON’T See Skin Color — But you just told me you HAD a black friend growing up. Maybe you mean that color doesn’t matter to you.
3. Your children speak very well — Yeah, you just get the look.
4. You DON’T act like the other “blacks” I know — Yeah, I’m laughing to myself at this point cause I want to reach out and touch you!
5. When I was in high school /college I dated a black boy/girl — And? Am I suppose to give you a high five for this? I’m not sure.
6. My parents don’t like black people — ok, maybe you’re giving me a heads up for when they visit, and in case we become friends, so I don’t feel left out when you have friends over during their visit. Like, I don’t know why you told me this, and we just met. Maybe you’re working through your racist upbringing? I don’t know.
7. May I touch your hair? Black people’s hair is so soft — IF YOU TOUCH MY HAIR, YOU WILL GET THROAT PUNCHED!
8. My kids have never seen a black person before — And where are you from again? Oh, hmmmmm……ok

These are just eight things, oh there’s so many more. And I promise I’m going to elaborate on each of these eight in 2018. And yes, I’ve had these things said to me during an initial conversation. Now if you say this or ask me once we’ve established some sort of relationship I’m all good with it. But I am wondering in the back of mind if your parents knew about that black boy/girlfriend. Just saying. Sorry. But, I’m wondering why you feel the need to share any of this information. I mean, do you tell another person you just met that your sister is married to another white guy? Do you tell another white mother that her ten year old speaks in full sentences? Like, I really don’t understand.

The Reason I Wrote This Post

You see, this post was written to get others to think about what they say. Do I think any of these things are racist? No! But I do think it sets an uneasy situation and walls form before any foundation is set. This to me is another hurdle of bridging the gaps of race.

I know for the most part people are just trying to start a conversation with a stranger. Yes, we should and NEED to have race discussions, but you do NOT have to prove to me that you are not racist by throwing out your black friends, your black relationships, etc. You don’t have to tell me that your trust or fears of black people exist by trying to compliment my family about not “acting black.” And what is “ACTING Black” vs. “Acting White” anyway? Yeah, I’m going to talk about that too.

Excited To Share My 2 Cents About Race In America For 2018

Like, for real for real. I’m ready to dive in! There’s so much I want to share in my little space that hopefully will open other’s minds. And that goes for ALL RACES! I’m not here to speak for ALL black people. I can and will only speak from my point of view in hopes it opens minds and hearts.

In the meantime make yourself a friend from a different race. Cause look…I have my white girlfriends that I will quickly ask (and they ask me) about situations cause culturally we are different. I won’t sit and deny that. But, we are ALL the same as human beings and in God’s eyes. And yes, I have my friends from ALL races that I ask questions to because of the fact that we are culturally different.

What Crazy Thing Have You Said

And yo, we’ve had some crazy conversations, but it’s AFTER the foundation is set. It doesn’t leave any discomfort, any hurt, any wonder. We took the time to get to know one another, respect one another and love one another as human beings. It could happen the second time you meet with the person. Ensure the tone, the words, the situation is right. Don’t just walk up and say, “Hey! I had a black friend growing up! Do you want to be my friend now?” No, don’t do that.

Tell me, what are some crazy things said to you when you’d met someone for the first time from another race? Have you ever said anything yourself? I mean, we’ve all done it at least once in our lifetime. And yes, black people say some crazy things to white people too. It’s just not one-sided, but remember, I’m sharing MY story, MY experiences, and MY truth. And oh, trust me. I do have some stories to share that go both ways. Be sure to click subscribe for HOT off the press updates straight to your inbox.

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Originally published at mamasandcoffee.com on December 16, 2017.